What Women Want - the wedding proposal asking her parents and the ring

Suppliers Directory

What Women Want

Have you met the girl of your dreams? Maybe it took just a moment, maybe it took a few years, but you fell in love. She melts your heart, she blows your mind, and you know in your gut that this girl is just perfect for you. It’s time to ask for her hand in marriage.

What’s the first step?
There are a few things to do before you pop that question.

Are you ready?
Your heart may be bursting with love, but before you get those four famous words out, have a little think about it. In our Why get Married? story we explore how to know when you’re ready for marriage. In a nutshell – you’re ready when you want to make a commitment to a life together as partners. In a way you will be “settling down” when you get married, because you won’t be focused on yourself as much any more. Your life will be about the two of you together, and your shared goals and dreams. While marriage implies some compromises (a lot of the time for the good); it also provides deep support and a loving home. Are you ready to put your relationship first?

Is she ready?
There’s a big difference between the question: “Will you marry me?” and the question: “What do you think about marriage?” So which one do you ask first?
Patrick, 33: “Propose first, talk later, you will have plenty of time to talk about it if she says yes. If no, there was no point talking about it.”

Rupert, 36: “If you live in a Hollywood movie you just pop the question on bended knee in a busy restaurant and everyone ahhhs and claps. In real life you talk about it first.”

Jason, 38: “Talk, talk, talk. 99% of relationships fall over due to lack of communication.”

Markus, 36: “The idea of marriage, and what it means to you as an individual, should be discussed well in advance! It is important to understand the values and dreams of your partner, and to be realistic about your long-term compatibility, or you are risking a world of pain down the track. It doesn’t have to be a business meeting, where you take notes and agree on a strategy, but be sure that you are clear about how your partner feels about issues that are important to you, and that you can respect your partner’s views.”

Asking Her Parents
Asking her father if he’s cool with your proposing may seem old fashioned, but it is still a great thing to do - extra brownie points if you ask her Mum as well.

You are not asking her Mum and Dad for permission to propose - they can’t stop you. You are asking for their blessing; for them to welcome you into their family. Chances are you know them well already, and you make their daughter so happy they think you’re wonderful. But a moment like this brings you much closer to your future in-laws.

Pay her parents (or if she has none – her guardians/best friends) a visit. Tell them how you feel about their daughter and how you want to look after her and support her as your wife and partner. If they live far away, write them a courteous and detailed letter. You could make a phone call if you wanted to be more spontaneous. It’s a good idea to tell your own parents as well, just so they’re feeling in the loop.

Bondi Beach Proposal on balcony

The Ring
Ouch – unless you’re as rich as Croesus or Grandma handed you her vintage heirloom rock, ye olde traditional diamond ring is the trickiest thing about getting engaged. There’s a whole story about choosing a good one on page 32. So do you get the ring before you propose and whip it out when you ask her to be your wife, or do you go ring hunting together?

Patrick, 33: “Why not buy it before you propose? If she likes it - you know her really well. If she doesn’t, she will still love you for trying, and she can always change it.”

Jason, 38: “Well for me, I knew the trouble and strife wanted to help design it (goes back to talk, talk, talk). And what guy really knows his wife’s taste in rings? So we did the proposal first, ring second.”

Markus, 36: “Maybe. For me, part of entering into such a partnership meant never having to make big decisions alone again, so I wanted to include my partner in the choice of something that she will wear for the rest of her life. Also, I wanted to surprise her, so choosing the ring first would have meant ruining the surprise!”

Emma, 33: “It’s great if he’s got the ring, but only if he’s 100% sure of your taste.”

Ange, 32: “We’ve been ring shopping. He took me into a jeweller and asked me what I liked. I tried some on. It made me very nervous and excited… but now I’m constantly waiting for the proposal!”

Basically, unless you really know your partner’s taste in jewellery and her ring size – don’t buy the ring first. If you want to propose with something tangible you can be creative – give her a dress ring (or promise ring) or a diamond in a jeweller’s box with the promise of going ring shopping together.

The proposal – where, when and how?
Couple proposal on secluded tropical beach

Couple proposal on secluded tropical beach

How are you going to do it? One of the biggest, most romantic gestures of your life! What an opportunity. Be bold, you will remember this moment forever.

Kim, 25: “The proposal should ideally be a surprise... so he can’t drop any hints! Something romantic and creative would be great - on a holiday away, or after a day of picnicking, wine tasting or motor biking. I wouldn’t like to be proposed to on Valentines Day, Christmas or my birthday. I’d like it to be a random special day for just us.”

Anne, 24: “There are a few no-no’s - like being proposed to in bed, at a pub, over a text message, over the phone or while drunk... Stay away from the overly clichéd things (i.e. a ring in the Champagne over a fancy French dinner on Valentines Day) - be a little creative.”

Lilly, 32: “I wouldn’t mind being whisked off into the wilderness – maybe to a private beach - and then proposed to in a poem. Depends on the guy’s personality – if he’s cultural, outdoorsy or artistic - and what we like doing together.”

Bec, 27: “New York in winter. We take a horse and carriage ride through Central Park all rugged up under a blanket together – very cosy. Then we finish it off with delicious cocktails and an amazing dinner... oh dear, very Sex in the City isn’t it! I guess the big thing for me is I want to be proposed to overseas.”

Simone, 30: “It’s got to be on top of the Eiffel Tower. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t think I could settle for anything else. You have the vibe of romance all around. Then again, it would need to be private - so in a dark corner on the Eiffel Tower.”

Sarah, 23: “I like the traditional proposal - a surprise. Take me to a fancy restaurant for a really nice meal and a bottle of wine, then go down on one knee and pop the question. I think that’s very romantic. I would like it to be a bit of a big deal, something to remember, because I only plan on getting engaged once.”

Public or private
Some girls like to share their big moments with the world, but others (most) like their intimate times to be private.

Lee, 24: “My partner always says he wants to do it publicly, so I can’t say no! My dream proposal is the Altitude restaurant for dinner - top level of the Shangri La Hotel looking out over Sydney Harbour. Just before the dessert comes out he gets on one knee - the whole bit - and presents me with a massive diamond and gold ring as fireworks go off over Sydney Harbour. With the last bang of fireworks the harbour bridge lights up with Marry me Lee!”

Talia, 28: “I always hoped for a private proposal - something just the two of us could look back on and remember. I would have died had Frank proposed in a crowded restaurant or in front of our families… definitely not for me.”

Caitlin 25: “Somewhere alone and secluded with beautiful nature around. My ultimate nightmare would be with lots of other people around like that cheesy ‘on the big screen’ proposal you see at American basketball matches…”

Sue, 33: “I used to work in radio and I remember a few guys who proposed on air and the response from the girls was usually more embarrassment than delight. I think they would have preferred something more intimate, less public.”

Let’s Get Engaged hint: We should point out here that women are very clever at hinting. If she has told you she thought her friend’s proposal on the deserted beach was “just perfect”, or raved about “that fabulous restaurant – you know, the one where Scott and Jess got engaged?”; if she’s pointed out proposals on TV that she thinks are “So tacky” and ogled rings that she says she loves – she’s sending you messages, loud and clear. That doesn’t mean copy exactly what she has pointed out. Put your own spin on things, just use her hints as a guide of do’s and don’ts.

The speech
She may go all gooey when you take her to that fancy restaurant, and her eyes may light up as she spies the diamond; but it should be the proposal itself that has her in tears of joy. What are you going to say?

Katrina, 31: “I don’t think there are any rules... as long as it hits the spot! Low key sincerity wins over a big showy proposal in my book.”

Vanessa, 39: “A man should propose with love, honesty and all his cards on the table. Someone can say all the right words, but you need to know they mean it. People confuse lust with love. So it shouldn’t matter where it is, just that it’s heartfelt and meaningful.”

Belinda, 25: “I’m such a romantic - a man’s proposal has to come from within, straight from their heart.

Emma, 33: I think we all want the speech! We want to hear exactly why he wants to spend the rest of his life with us. It needs to be heartfelt and sincere. He needs to paint a picture of your future together.”

Lilly, 32: “I would like to be told that I am the one, and a bit of moosh about how much he loves me. I’d want to know that I make him happy on many levels and that he appreciates me deeply for who I am. He could also make a little crack about how he can live with my faults!”

Anne, 24: “I think as long as it’s personal and genuine there’s no ideal way.”

Spontaneity
With all this talk and planning – is there still room for a spontaneous proposal? Why not! If you’re filled with passion in a beautiful moment and have to declare your undying love then and there – just do it. She will be swept off her feet by your romantic gesture.

Images from top to bottom:
Jeremiah Curran
Swiss Grand Resort & Spa Bondi Beach
Talpacific New Caledonia