Stepping Into The Ring - Nothing says engagement proposal quite like a diamond ring

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Stepping Into The Ring

Lets Get Engaged January 2008

Nothing says ‘engagement proposal’ quite like a ring. But also, nothing says ‘moron’ quite like choosing the wrong ring. It’s a dilemma boys, but thankfully one of the only ones you’ll have in this roller coaster of wedding prep. And we can help.

It’s no coincidence that fiancé is just one letter away from finance. Advertisers and society in general will suggest that an engagement ring should cost you around 2 months of your salary. Now before you go quitting your job to get that figure down a little, let’s just say that the ring should cost whatever you can afford. After all, unless you’re a famous celebrity, it doesn’t have to be a $64,000 question. The size of the rock is very rarely a deal-breaker, and she’s more likely to respect you for not blowing all your savings or selling a kidney to get it.

Another thing not open to negotiation is her personal taste. Guys, rings are a bit like Pay TV – while you’d be fairly happy channel surfing through a multitude of options, there’s generally only a couple that she likes. So be warned – you’re entering the ‘accessory zone’. And this is arguably the most important accessory of all!

First up, a little ring etiquette. The purists will point to four ring ‘stages’. Stage One is the promise ring, and is given as a promise to her that you’ll get engaged. (That’s right, this ring thing is like an onion – many layers and has been known to bring grown men to tears.) Once you’ve promised, it’s time to deliver.
The engagement ring, which does just what it says, seals the deal and announces intention to marry. The wedding ring is fairly self explanatory, generally worn by both parties and exchanged on the wedding day. The last one is an eternity ring, usually (but not always) given on a significant anniversary after the wedding, or on the birth of a child. (Speaking of children, a fifth stage should probably be included here – the teething ring.)

Now let’s get one thing straight. Don’t get the engagement ring unless a) you know she’ll love it or b) you know you can return it if she doesn’t. Your relationship isn’t happening on a movie set, so it’s unlikely she’ll stand in front of a jeweller’s window, pointing out her favourite ring while you smile knowingly. But don’t roll credits just yet. There are plenty of ways around the problem.

With a lot of wedding traditions being rewritten (for example, civil celebrants now outnumber religious ones 60-40), many modern couples are choosing to buy their engagement ring together. So where does this leave the ‘surprise factor’? Unless you do the choosing beforehand (and keep the ‘where, when and how’ of a proposal tantalisingly secret), there are a few options to consider that will catch her off-guard but still on side.

What you need is an acceptable ‘stand-in’ to play the role of the engagement ring. It signals that you’re serious, but not leaving her out of the ring shopping fun. This is where only YOU will know what will be a perfect fit for your relationship. (Speaking of perfect fit, if you need to get her size, take an existing ring or a soap imprint to the jewellers. Don’t cut off a finger – it’s too obvious.) At the light-hearted end of the scale, and if you feel you can get away with it, proposing with a plastic ring, cheezel, pull-tab or bent piece of wire may be perfect as a substitute. (Just so long as she knows there’s a better one coming!) Other more conventional alternatives include a promise ring, presenting the gemstone on its own and designing the ring together later, or less glamorous but certainly practical – the card of the jeweller with an appointment time on it. It’s up to you.

Just remember, the ring is not the be-all and end-all of the marriage proposal. It can play an important part in symbolising that you’re not joking this time, but she’s likely to remember the scenario just as much as the little box in your hand. Well, almost as much.

Girl’s Best Friend
Your best friend has four legs, a tail and licks your face. HER best friend is shiny, sparkly and ends up on the finger of 4 out of 5 women who get engaged. Yes, we’re talking diamonds, the true ring-leader, and it’ll be YOU in the dogbox if you don’t get studying.

History lesson. First recorded instance of a diamond engagement ring was back in 1477. But unless you were royalty or held some title, you couldn’t get your hands on one until the 20th Century, when the gems became more widely available. Yet it was only a ridiculously successful advertising campaign in the 1940s, announcing ‘diamonds are forever’, that set the scene for diamonds to be the ultimate choice in ring bling.

The Four Cs
Diamonds are a physical form of carbon, so really not that far away from giving her a lump of coal (but I wouldn’t try it). If the vast differences in price weren’t already a clear giveaway, you should know that not all diamonds are created equal. Four simple characteristics, known as the FOUR Cs, help determine worth and desirability. (Please note, this list differs from the average guy’s diamond 4 Cs which are ‘Cost’, ‘Crikey!’ and ‘Credit Card’…)

Study the following cheat-sheet to sound knowledgeable next time you’re at the jewellers.

COLOUR: The best ones have none. The sliding scale is from D-J for colour that can’t be detected, and K-Z for a yellower tinge. The higher up the alphabet, the lighter the wallet.
CLARITY: There is a scale of how blemished (both internally and externally) the diamond is. Naturally, less blemishes = better quality = higher price.
CARAT: Quite simply, the weight. 1 carat is equal to 0.20grams. The greater the carats in a diamond, the bigger and rarer it is.
CUT: The only ‘C’ determined by human involvement, rather than nature. An expert cut is a scientific process of angles and percentages, resulting in the best ‘brilliance’ and ‘fire’ from the stone.

Celebrities and their Carats
Liz Taylor – nearly 30 Carat
Paris Hilton – 24 Carat
Donald Trump – 12 Carat
Michael Douglas-Catherine Zeta Jones – 10 Carat
Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez – 6 Carat
Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes 5 Carat
Jessica Simpson – 4 Carat
Queen Elizabeth – 3 Carat
Average Joe Bloggs – 0.25 to 1 Carat

Image - DORA